Moving Forward
We have all had our hearts broken at least once, and it hurt like hell. It's one of those pains that is indescribable, so many emotions all at once. The process of processing a breakup is painful, and I was a bit apprehensive to write about this for a few months because I did not want to reflect on that pain. I am reluctant to say that I have healed, moved on, and I am better. I am on a journey to seek personal freedom and inner peace. Ironically, some of my closest friends experienced rough breakups around the same time that I did, some worse than others, all equally as painful, all lessons, and stepping stones -- or mountains. I was in a two year relationship, and it wasn't bad necessarily but we were not happy. I did all I could to make it work, biting my tongue, tolerating actions and words that I regret to say I did. No, the abuse was not physical, but it became emotional abuse. In the beginning I knew that long distance would not be easy, nor the fact he was two years younger than me, and yet I pursued the situation because the vibe was good. As the months rolled on, I realized that he was not ready for the same things that I was ready for. He made me feel as if I expected too much, communication, attention, being around his family, etc. It hurt, but I held on, and I held on too tight, and he let go. Fast forward through the good times, and the arguments, he wanted a "break". A break which broke my heart. Those of you who have been heartbroken, well we're all too familiar with giving our all to someone just to have it thrown back it our faces, trying to love someone but they cannot love you the same way. I think what hurt the most was how he handled this break he needed, which pushed me to end the relationship altogether. I was hurt for a few weeks, maybe a month or so. I cried everyday, for about 3 weeks, at work and at home. I continued to keep in touch with him because I was still in love, despite the pain he was causing me. I found myself in a dark place and decided one day that I'd have one more day to cry, to feel depressed, to be unhappy, and then MOVE ON. I realized a lot of things about that situation and about myself:
1. I let someone else control my happiness -- Put an end to that. There will be someone that makes you happy, excited, they'll make you feel like you're on cloud 9 and you're never coming down - that is amazing and it is a beautiful thing to have. However, whether they are present in your life or not does not determine personal happiness, that comes from within. "Don't let anyone make or break you."
2. It is okay to cry, it is okay to be sad, but don't make it last forever. A friend I worked with pulled me aside one day and wiped my tears, she told me it is okay to feel this way but give yourself a deadline to stop crying. And I set a date, I marked it on my calendar, and although a few tears were shed maybe once or twice after, it worked. It is okay to be down, but know when to get back up, know your own strength.
3. Let it go and let God. I prayed on this situation, I prayed for strength, I prayed for guidance, I prayed for help to let this go. Let go of your anger and your depression, understand and accept the situation for what it is. It's causing you pain, let it go. If it continues to hurt you, remove it from your life. Find things that make you happy, go out with your friends, go to the gym, dance, paint, meditate, shop, travel, write, set goals and accomplish them, do the things you love, and love yourself.
"There's no love like self love."
4. "Live fearlessly, live free." A quote I have tattooed as a reminder to not let fear get in the way of happiness, fun, new friendships and relationships, success, and all other great things in life. I was afraid to date again. I was terrified, but my family and friends (my biggest supporters) reassured me that I'll be okay. And I eased back into dating, and met someone great. He is not the reason why I have found happiness again, but he makes me happy -- if that makes sense. I found it before I met him and THAT allowed me to give him a chance and be happy in this new friendship.
Being bitter will eat you alive, work on being better, not because it's the best revenge but self-improvement should always be one of your top 5 goals. These are things that worked for me, and guided me into becoming a stronger, forgiving being. I hope that this has helped anyone going through a breakup, and for those who can relate after going through it, it's known that time heals all things.
Your heart won't be broken forever, you'll grow, and it will get better!
1. I let someone else control my happiness -- Put an end to that. There will be someone that makes you happy, excited, they'll make you feel like you're on cloud 9 and you're never coming down - that is amazing and it is a beautiful thing to have. However, whether they are present in your life or not does not determine personal happiness, that comes from within. "Don't let anyone make or break you."
2. It is okay to cry, it is okay to be sad, but don't make it last forever. A friend I worked with pulled me aside one day and wiped my tears, she told me it is okay to feel this way but give yourself a deadline to stop crying. And I set a date, I marked it on my calendar, and although a few tears were shed maybe once or twice after, it worked. It is okay to be down, but know when to get back up, know your own strength.
3. Let it go and let God. I prayed on this situation, I prayed for strength, I prayed for guidance, I prayed for help to let this go. Let go of your anger and your depression, understand and accept the situation for what it is. It's causing you pain, let it go. If it continues to hurt you, remove it from your life. Find things that make you happy, go out with your friends, go to the gym, dance, paint, meditate, shop, travel, write, set goals and accomplish them, do the things you love, and love yourself.
"There's no love like self love."
4. "Live fearlessly, live free." A quote I have tattooed as a reminder to not let fear get in the way of happiness, fun, new friendships and relationships, success, and all other great things in life. I was afraid to date again. I was terrified, but my family and friends (my biggest supporters) reassured me that I'll be okay. And I eased back into dating, and met someone great. He is not the reason why I have found happiness again, but he makes me happy -- if that makes sense. I found it before I met him and THAT allowed me to give him a chance and be happy in this new friendship.
Being bitter will eat you alive, work on being better, not because it's the best revenge but self-improvement should always be one of your top 5 goals. These are things that worked for me, and guided me into becoming a stronger, forgiving being. I hope that this has helped anyone going through a breakup, and for those who can relate after going through it, it's known that time heals all things.
Your heart won't be broken forever, you'll grow, and it will get better!