Dating in your 20-somethings

Dating is hard. There I said it. Nothing about dating is easy, when it's the same cycle over and over again. Don't misinterpret this as me saying I don't enjoy getting to know a guy, a good guy, with goals, morals, a degree (or in pursuit of one), and a job. But what happens when the good guy turns out to be the bad guy, and you feel your time has been wasted by someone who maintained the facade of everything you wanted. It happens, and it probably will not be the last time. The most important thing to do when dating, not ignoring the red flags i.e. lying, inconsistency, ignorance, trust issues, down right craziness etc. Anyone who brags about being crazy, is actually crazy, and it's not attractive. Sorry not sorry.

Being 20-something and dating is hard, because we're trying to find ourselves. We are in the process of mental, financial, spiritual, and emotional growth. Many of us are either in college, graduated, or trying to jumpstart our careers and businesses, and pencilling in dating is hard to do, because that too is a job. You have to find time to date, to be witty, charming, funny, to get to know someone, and let them get to know you. But additionally, your emotions get tied up, and you are now deciding between seeing that person or picking up an extra shift, or writing that blog post, moving, or whatever the case may be. It's not personal, but it is. It is a choice between the guy or girl you're really feeling and the future you are trying to build for yourself. In a perfect world, we think "he or she is here to build with me, they will not stump my growth", and not all cases dating stumps personal growth, sometimes it can blossom into something beautiful. But nothing comes without sacrifice, good things do not come without compromise. We can often get attached to people and become so wrapped up in a person we forget about all the places we want to go or the things we want to do. Sometimes we catch ourselves getting attached, and fear that dating someone will stop you from being your best self. The most important part about dating is to make sure you're good first and then enjoy that person, their company, their time.

When does it really get complicated?

Other reasons why dating can be a headache? You both want different things or you realize he or she isn't the person you thought they were or who you thought they'd be.

It can get messy when you both start out on the same page and then a couple months go by and one person wants a relationship and the other rather continue at a slower pace or even stop dating. Sometimes it is hard to let go when part of you wants things to work, but take note that if you're not in it 100% and you don't want to be then that person is not for you. 

The wolf in sheep's clothing a.k.a the bad guy pretending to be a good guy.

I've encountered way too many of these in my 7 years of dating and relationships. Literally that's what I've been attracting, and it is frustrating. I'm sure a few of you can relate. Isn't it great when you meet a guy and he is fully qualified, a job, a degree, has goals, family-oriented, handsome, tall, a gentleman, the list can go on but those are the key factors that give us heart eyes. So you're one month in, he pays for everything, he opens the door for you, ya'll have great conversation and enjoy each others company, until he gets comfortable and his true colors start showing. He takes longer to reply, you don't see him as often, shady tendencies, he isn't much of a gentleman anymore, and he's just acting like he hasn't got a clue. The only thing worst than a bad guy is a guy who puts on a facade of being the "good guy" when he is anything but that. You believe they have potential to be better, or go back to how they used to be. How can someone go back to being something that they never actually were? 

The dating game is a tough one, we keep playing until we win, or take our losses (or not) and move forward.

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