On Letting Go
This has been a topic I have been avoiding for a while. Maybe it’s because in order for me to give advice, I have to actually do it myself…and letting go of a relationship, friendship, habit, etc. are all easier said than done.
Here we are weeks into 2019, and letting go of things that are detrimental or seem to serve no purpose is one of those things that we do as we transition into a new year.
letting go of old habits
I want to focus firstly on forgiveness of self and letting go of toxic habits. This means actually identifying behaviors that you want to work on to self improve. i.e. procrastination, insecurity, lack of commitment, staying in relationships/friendships that were detrimental to your health. But to improve it actually takes work, it takes time, and you must hold yourself accountable. And holding yourself accountable might be the obstacle when it comes to letting go of these traits. It’s hard to admit “hey maybe I am being toxic” and you are capable of toxic behavior and mentality. That’s step one, being honest with yourself. Yeah it isn’t fun but the best part about being able to identify where you’ve gone wrong, is correcting that behavior to the future. Step two is accountability. Step three is to forgive yourself, for the mistakes you’ve made, for staying in situations that were toxic for you when you should have moved on, for any self-hating or negative thoughts, and for self-doubt. We have to make better choices for our well being. That means practicing self discipline, staying focused on your energy, and accomplishing your goals.
A few ways to get started on that journey are:
reading self help books, and actually practice what you read.
mediation
prayer
listening to self-help and psychology podcasts
exercise
therapy
The idea of letting go is scary, moving forward is hard, but the journey is worth it, and the results are amazing.
letting go of relationships
Finally, how to let go of relationships that hurt too much to hold on to. I wish I was an expert on this, but I’m not, and this is why I’ve taken so long to write this. It’s hard, I’m sure you know that, especially when there is a friendship there as well, and especially when you’re in love. You have to choose you. It is easier said than done, you naturally want to maintain some sort of connection to that person, but you have to ask yourself “is it worth it?” after all they have put you through, and unapologetically at that. He/she said “sorry”? Cool. But nothing says “I’m sorry” like changed behavior. I’ve been in love twice in my life, so far. The biggest lessons I have learned about dating has come from these situations. Lesson #1: holding on to someone who can’t or doesn’t want to be in that space with you, is only going to hurt you. Lesson #2: Make sure you are receiving the love you are giving. Stop pouring into people who don’t pour into you, and leave you empty. Lesson #3: Forgiveness is for you, not for them. I think some people get confused about this. Forgive when you are ready. But forgiveness means you are releasing that hurt and hate. It takes too much energy to hate people. I realized I don’t ever end up hating ex’s or guys I’ve dated even after all the hurt and believe me a few have done some pretty fucked up shit. I pity them, because it must suck to not be able to give or receive love. Understand that their inability to be kind, to love, to communicate, or whatever their issue is, has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. The way someone treats you says more about them than it does you. You have to choose what is best for your emotional and mental health. When you stay in situationships and relationships that are toxic, you end up facing things like anxiety and depression. Life has so many challenges as it is, so take control in situations that you can control and take care of you first. Sometimes we get into these spaces where the person you love is the same one disturbing your peace, and regardless of the countless attempts to communicate and resolve it, they continue. It’s time to let them go. Any form of abuse — mental, emotional, or physical — is more than reason enough to let them go.
The thing about true love is that it doesn’t really go away, and it kinda sucks because I have wished the ability to unlove. Loving someone from a distance is okay, it’s going to feel like shit at first, but it gets better. And the songs that make you think of them, won’t make you sad anymore. There’s a feeling of empowerment when you have worked through all of those feelings. It kinda feels like “I wish you the best but f*&% you”. And eventually, your peace will return, and you might think to go back, but remember all the things that made you leave. Change their role in your life and focus on loving yourself.
So thank you next, we’re letting go and living in love & light.
