On Adulting

I know it has  been a while since I’ve posted on here. Truth is, sometimes life hits you all at once and all you can do is focus on getting to where you want to be, sometimes it distracts you from the things that need your attention.

ON LIFE.

Adulting is not easy. I remember being 18 years old, telling my friends that I can’t wait to be an adult. But I am not sure this is what I wanted to sign up for. I’m joking, I mean it is inevitable that we get to this stage in our lives where we feel like we are way too busy, and there aren’t enough hours in the day, yet we feel are not doing enough. I think sometimes we try to sacrifice the things that make us happy for the things we know will make us money. I know from experience, I sacrificed my blog to throw myself into job applications. I felt lost for a while. I thought after college it’d be easy to get the job you want because you have your degree. We work hard for these degrees too, most of us do. Whether it is late nights, early mornings, or full days of classes. I went to a commuter school (Hunter College) so my weeks were always school then work or work then school. Money is always the priority right? Right. But we tend stray from the hobbies that make us feel complete, to overload on work. I realized I am happiest when I am creating. The past 4 months I have not created a single thing. I remember speaking with one of my girls about how hard it is to find the job you want, and she told me it will come but to continue to keep blogging, continue to create. I didn’t. I couldn’t. I couldn’t focus on writing, while being so stressed out about where I felt I needed to be in life. I am back.

ON CAREERS & BALANCE.

As a true West Indian, I have always had two jobs. If I could have three, I’m sure I would. But I think I’d drive myself crazy with three different schedules. Growing up in a Trinidadian household, I’ve watched my mom work 3, maybe 4 jobs as a single mother of three, I mean talk about true inspiration. But my goal is to have one amazing, fulfilling job that allows me to exceed my creative potential; and that is currently in progress.

So even with one job, how do we find the balance between work, relationships, self-care, and everything in between? I am still trying to figure that out. I know we give ourselves deadlines to accomplish the goals we set for ourselves, and sometimes by doing that we rush our individual processes. One thing I realized this year is that everyone’s process is different. The process itself, the timing, the results. What works for your friend may not work for you. I think it is important to get to know yourself, and figure out what works for you and what makes you happy. Think “I am at my best when…” and do that. You cannot find balance without organization. Discover what techniques work best for you. Finding balance is about action. You can say you want to workout, but you don’t have the time. All it takes is commitment and organization. Organize a time to exercise, commit to it. Stop saying you want to travel, but you can’t. Save your money, meal prep, stop buying unnecessary things and book your flight in advance.

ON SELF-CARE.

I feel like when it comes to self-care, there are so many ways to take time for yourself. I cannot define self-care for anyone, but it is so important to check-in with yourself. Take a mental break from social media. I think 20-somethings and maybe some 30-somethings can relate -- that social media makes it too easy to compare your success with those of others. Comparing success can either push you to do better or beat yourself up because you’re not doing as well or the same. Truth is life happens, life happens to everybody, whether they show it or not. Aside from social media, sometimes we are guilty of comparing our own success to those of our friends or family members. There isn’t a way to temporarily deactivate relationships, the same way you’d do on Instagram or Twitter. Self-care comes into play here; work on yourself, work on your happiness, work on your success. Instead of comparing yourself to your peers, try opening up to them about your feelings, because 9 times out of 10 they will be able to offer you the support and advice you need.

ON FRIENDSHIPS.

So I’ve made friends, ended friendships, and mended friendships. As adults, we usually have long standing friendships, some with people we have known since childhood, some since high school. I think one of the hardest things to accept is growing apart from some friends. You grow to like different things, you grow to have different values, and it becomes harder to have certain conversations or just hang out.

I think part of growing into adulthood is learning how to maintain relationships, and learning how to let go of relationships. I have learned a few lessons this year about people in general -- you’ll know that someone cares about you, by their actions. It seems pretty basic, but you really can’t be too busy to care about your friend, or to show someone you care. I think sometimes we get overwhelmed with our schedules that we don’t take the time to show the people in our lives that we care. Sometimes that causes distance, sometimes that breaks bonds. This circles back to finding balance.

My little bit of advice for adulting, is to be patient with yourself, and trust the process. Do the things that make you feel complete, and don’t ever stop.

Love & Light.