On Dating

What are the things about dating that we hate the most? Is it trusting someone with our feelings hoping they're not reckless? Or it is doing our best to not be in our feelings at all? I am not sure I can offer much advice, because I am still learning as well. Like who masters dating? It is a learning process like everything else we go through in life.

on fear

After a conversation with one of my best friends last week, I wondered why is that we do our best to put up a front to the person we like the most.  I've gone back and forth with this idea, because I have attempted to do this, but more so have witnessed it; whether hearing a situation from a friend or being in this exact situation. I believe it is out of fear. Fear that you might get hurt, fear that those feelings or actions won't be reciprocated, fear that you'd be taken for granted, so on and so forth. We are living in fear when it comes to dating, by playing games with each other's feelings. I want to say it's such a high school thing to do, but in all actuality it just isn't okay. In a perfect world we could all express our feelings and feel secure about it. But life is funny that way, instead of taking a chance, we choose to be nonchalant and numb to the people we care about, and want to express feelings for, but can't because its too big of a "risk". 

In situations, like these I feel like someone always misses out on what could've been. I am not suggesting you put your heart all the way out there. But take baby steps, still be kind, still be affectionate and pay attention to how it is received and reciprocated. Always, be clear about what you want from the beginning, so that no one's time or energy is wasted.

 on trust

Trust is tricky af when it comes to dating someone. Its more about trusting their actions, rather than what they say. This is a lesson you learn across any relationship. People can say whatever they want, but it doesn't mean a thing unless there is some action to support it. Trust is a two way street, it has to be reciprocated, otherwise the relationship will not work.

I feel that too often people claim to have trust issues because of their past. I also feel it is unfair to make anyone else pay for your past. If you have problems trusting others, then you are not ready to date. Not only are you putting yourself in a stressful situation, think about the person that is now attempting to deal with your trust issues.

I say this to say, work on yourself before trying to make it work with anybody else.

on moving forward

I always wondered if there was an exact timeline that people create in their minds to take the next steps to be exclusively in a relationship. Personally, if the feelings are there then go for it. Just to circle back to living in fear, don't worry about what other people may think or say, or who you'll lose. Your relationship is about you and your significant other, as a team, as a couple, and overall creating your happiness, whatever it may be.

Being in your 20's or even 30's is a difficult time, you're in between dating, establishing your career, personal growth, balancing work and life, and maintaining friendships. I think the most important thing when dating someone, is dating someone that you can go and grow through that with. Sometimes they're hard to find, sometimes they're right where you need them to be.