On Relationships

wanting vs. knowing

I think everybody wants to be with somebody, in the sense that people naturally crave companionship. However, I feel that a lot of us rush into situationships and relationships, unsure of what we truly are ready for. I feel like this lack of knowing is the main reason why people break up and hearts get broken. I think people avoid being open and honest out of fear, when communication can save us so much stress and heartache. Some people want the relationship but are not ready for the things that come with it. You know you are ready for a relationship when the words “commit” and “compromise” don’t scare the shit out of you. Relationships are about communication and understanding, it’s the willingness to grow with someone, to learn them, to accept them, to love them.

pasts.

In my personal opinion, using someone to get over your ex is wrong on every level. It’s not fair to that person, and it’s not fair to yourself. Give yourself time to heal, forgive, and grow before you dive into another relationship. Sometimes we lack awareness of our feelings, and we fail to fully acknowledge them, and that causes long term damage to the new relationships you create. In addition to moving on from exes, I think a lot of people fear losing the people on the side once they get into a relationship. If you aren’t ready to be about one person then you’re not ready for a relationship. Point, blank, period. Other people do not matter, the ex, the side chick/guy, the friend with benefits. That all becomes irrelevant when you truly are ready.

wanting.

A lot of these people hurt others while they figure out what they want. Some people really just enjoy the idea of having someone who is down for them but they fear commitment, they fear they are too young to be “tied down”, they fear they will miss out on something that may not be greater —but its just the fear of missing out. They’re unable to reciprocate what’s being given to them, part of it is choice, and part of it is lack of readiness. I have been here before, I know how it feels to want to have someone, without actually being with them or ready for them. Feelings do get hurt when both parties aren’t on the same page, however the necessary conversations need to take place in these situations; and a lot of the time people avoid these conversations. The truth is we are adults, it’s time to take responsibility and be clear about the things we want and don’t want.

knowing.

How do you know you’re ready? I had to ask myself this question a few times in different situations. I think part of knowing is recognizing your own personal growth, it is realizing what you want and what you won’t tolerate. Sometimes it takes a few failed situationships to figure out what it is that you need, and that is okay. Being ready to be in a relationship, is being transparent and willing to grow as a person and as a couple, it is the willingness to try. I think the other part of knowing you are ready, has to do with the person you want to be with, and being sure enough to take that next step, no questions asked.

I knew I was ready for a relationship when I decided to close old chapters of my life. I was ready to love differently, and be loved the way I needed to be loved. It knew how I want and need to be loved. Being ready was finding myself, and growing out of old ways and learning things about myself that make me amazing and things that I want to improve on. You’re ready to be with someone when you fully love yourself, flaws and all. In order to love someone else, you must first love yourself. I think we overlook how badly insecurities affect our relationships, but the best thing to do is acknowledge them and work on it. Self love is a topic I have discussed in earlier posts but as a reminder, self love is also being vocal about what and who you allow in your life, it is communicating when certain shit ain’t right. It is being able to say “no” to things, and stating what you want. When you are ready for a relationship, you are able to communicate not only for the other person but for you. It is being aware, so that you do not get damaged in the process.

I believe that all great things take time, starting with you. It isn’t impossible to work on yourself and be with someone. We are constantly learning, growing, and reinventing ourselves. We just have to find the right person to do that with, who brings out the best part of you, and loves even the darkest parts. It’s not easy to find this love, and I know. But remaining positive that you will, draws them closer, for some that person has been there all along, and for others you’re getting a second chance. Be open and be patient. Love and Light.